best birthday present ever

my babies, knowing how little i care for winter, made me "a box of spring" - construction paper violets, peonies, chrysanthemums, roses, tulips, lilies of the valley, daffodils, and tiger lilies.

sweet, sweet babies.

ook

a friend told me yesterday that i don't look a day over 36, and i realized that is a compliment since she shaved 9 years off my age.

when did i become the crypt keeper?

gaaah

it's great my children have active, questioning little minds, but do they have to be active and questioning so early in the morning?

thing two likes to start the day with a question-and-answer period. today's topic - at 4:53 a.m. - "what did people do before they had electricity?"

well, that helps take the sting out of turning 45

from my in-laws: $100 and a flask.

i like my husband's people.

the new math

so, if edy's slow churned ice cream has 100 calories per serving, and there are 12 servings in the carton, and you can lose weight by limiting yourself to 1,200 calories a day, then if i eat nothing but ice cream, i'll lose weight.

i see no flaw in this reasoning.

my children are weird

"mommy, can we watch antiques roadshow?"

"um, sure."

"yay!"

four-year-old logic

getting ready to head to preschool this morning, i piled thing two's winter gear by the back door and asked her to put it on while i threw on my walking clothes. when i got back to the kitchen, there she was, all bundled up.

as i walked to the door to leave, i caught a glimpse of thing two's bedroom...with her skirt laid neatly on the bed. when i asked her what was going on, she said proudly, "i took my skirt off so it wouldn't get bunched up in my snow pants!"

why do you hate the baby? installment no. 316

here's a name from a church bulletin, announcing the joyous arrival of...tennyson yosemite.

sigh.

dogs, people. this is why you get dogs. or cats. or hamsters. or start an indie band. you don't inflict something like this on a human being.

that kid is so changing his name to john someday.

negative four

negative fucking four degrees.

why. why. why?

paging merriam-webster

i respectfully submit:

at•tack•le (ə-'ta-kəl) verb: to chase, capture and then be flummoxed by.

"owen attackled me and selena today at recess, but then he let us go and we ran away."

things i never thought my husband would need to say, installment no. 217

• "don't rub your banana on the wall!"
• "don't rub your banana on the floor!"

my new hero

"legalizing same-sex marriage would be a recognition of basic american principles, and would represent the culmination of our nation's commitment to equal rights...the very idea of marriage is basic to recognition as equals in our society; any status short of that is inferior, unjust, and unconstitutional...the underlying rights and liberties that marriage embodies are not in any way confined to heterosexuals...i do not believe that our society can ever live up to the promise of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness until we stop this invidious discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation."

-theodore olson, life-long republican who served two republican presidents and successfully argued bush v. gore before the supreme court, and who is now preparing to challenge california's ban on gay marriage

best. christmas. ever.

when you're 6 and 4 and you get a dollhouse and plasma cars and bean bag chairs and a tea set and fairy wings and uno and blocksandlegosandbooksandartsuppliesandSOMUCHMORE.

things i never thought i'd need to say, installment no. 632

"don't put that phone antenna up your nose!"
"get out of the fireplace!"

erp

on the first day of christmas vacation, my tummy found for me:

• 12 holiday m&ms
• 11 pastel mints
• 10 white chocolate chips
• 9 shakes of sprinkles
• 8 slurps of caffeine
• 7 licks of peppermint
• 6 nibbles of batter
• 5 fingersful of frosting
• 4 broken cookie bits
• 3 hershey's kisses
• 2 giant gumdrops
• and a fat slice of gingerbread hoooooouse

back to weight watchers.

the plight of the second born

i love my babies without limits. but after an afternoon of hearing thing one boss thing two around, i can't wait until the day when little bit tells her big sister to stick it up her ass.

and dave, once again: i'm sorry.

god, i'm old

i have discovered that i really, really like all-bran. the taste of it. plain, no sugar.

sad, isn't it?

it's hard to be a hipster in minnesota

metal facial piercings + minus 5 degree temperatures = ow ow ow!

dead man snowboarding

my husband, god love him, is a cheerful, optimistic sort. still not sure what he's doing with me.

this morning, we woke up to the start of the minneapolis winter: 9 degrees, multiple inches of snow, and a nasty gale whipping it all to a balmy -23 windchill.

and the handsome man says to me, "at least it's pretty."

well. i try to be temperate and respectful in my conversations with the spouse, but really - don't poke the bear. i yelped, "pretty? yeah, like a frozen wasteland of DEATH is pretty!"

"gee, good morning to you, too, mrs. chekhov," he responded.

now i must go get blind drunk until april.

my poor little heathen children reprise

thing two is getting quite an education at her lutheran preschool. sort of.

she's stopped singing "cheesus loves me" in favor of "jesus loves me." but apparently, the way she knows cheesus/jesus loves her is the "pieble tells me so."

oh well. at least i'll be warm in hell.