crabby old lady is crabby about...

target.

my beloved target has decided to repackage its own brand of household and personal care items, ditching its bullseye logo in favor of an arrow and the words "up and up" accompanied by a proliferation of images.

because it's not like the company had any equity in the bullseye logo. it's not like customers deliberately sought out products with the logo. and it's not like said customers will be some pissed when they spend 10 minutes hunting for the damn target sunscreen before realizing they've been staring at its new incarnation. no, that's won't happen.

oh wait...

things i never thought i'd need to say, installment no. 312

"don't lick your dresser!"

this is why i'm still trying to get the beds made at 10 a.m.

so far this morning, thing one has scraped her leg on a door, hurt herself getting into a chair to work on the computer, and - just now - fallen out of a tree on her head. that last injury took substantially more clean-up time than usual (washing all the scrapes on her legs, combing the twigs and leaves out of her hair), so i'm kinda behind on my hausfrau duties.

and i need a cocktail.

make way for octuplets

is anybody else vaguely disappointed that octomom didn't name her babies jack, kack, lack, mack, nack, ouack, pack, and quack?

i am easily amused

i amuse myself

i have embraced the womanly art of cross stitch. here is my first attempt, which now hangs in my kitchen.

others amuse me

bumper sticker seen in the preschool parking lot:

a foreskin is NOT a birth defect

target amuses me

today's tally of target clothing items on my body: 5 (shoes, socks, cargo pants, underwear, sweatshirt).

today's tally of non-target clothing items on my body: 2 ("meh" t-shirt, bra).

the wicked witch of the upper midwest

it's melting! it's meeeeeelting!

for once, a soy cheese that actually acts and looks like cheese on pizza. i can't/won't vouch for the taste, but thing two ate her entire piece so i'll take that as a thumbs up.

thank you, teese, from me and my flying monkey.

no. no, no, no. and no.

ok, i've been to graduate school (twice). i know how hard academic appointments are to come by.

but i still think it must have been a tough sell to convince today's minnesota public radio commentator, barbara brown taylor, to accept the harry r. butman chair in religion and philosophy at piedmont college in georgia.

many thanks to julie for alerting me to this story, and i'm glad you didn't drive off the road when you heard it.

the four seasons

as seen through adults' eyes:

• shoveling
• weeding
• mowing
• raking

as seen through children's eyes:

• snow!
• mud!
• swimming!
• leaf piles!

"i have hay in my pants!"

another successful preschool field trip to the farm.

o blessed art thou, mars incorporated

some days, the only thing standing between me and some serious jail time is a bag of m&m's.

bad performance art

otherwise known as two 5-year-olds and a 3-year-old making up "knock, knock" jokes. a sample:

knock, knock!

who's there?

apple fridge!

apple fridge who?

apple fridge slimy banana hair!

(all dissolve in helpless laughter.)

another one for the baby book

ah, the milestones...

first smile.

first tooth.

first step.

first medical alert bracelet in case of a life-threatening allergic reaction.

good times.

another sign of the end times

seen on a big orange road sign at a construction site:

resticted access

oh, eally?

(i need to start carrying a sharpie marker wherever i go.)

the ill-logic of motherhood

this morning, thing two told me that her imaginary friends couldn't join her for a parade because they were playing games.

and i found myself feeling pissed at the imaginary friends for slighting my kid.

may day

three sure signs of spring:

1. the rabbits have decapitated all my tulips.
2. the black, fossilized snow mountain that was mounded up in the mall parking lot has finally melted.
3. there is a layer of sediment in the tub after i bathe my children.

i heart spring.