extremely casual friday

pantless, in fact.

it had to happen

now thing two's dollhouse people are arguing with each other. it sounds like i have a schizophrenic 4-year-old:

"i want to sit on the big part of the merry-go-round!"

"no, i do!"

"no, i do!"

why do you hate both the babies?

in the latest food allergy news for kids newsletter: two brothers, ages 3 and 5.

names? mercury and lincoln.

perhaps they're expecting little baby chevrolet.

a series of unfortunate events

1. going to target the monday after spring break ended for all minneapolis public schools

apparently every other mom in minneapolis had the same idea. and apparently we all shop at the same target location.

2. three coins in the toilet

our toilet is having some kind of personality crisis and has begun to imitate a fountain. actually, it imitated a fountain once, last night. since then, we've been steadfastly avoiding it until bob the plumber shows up. i suspect it's going to take significantly more than three coins to fix.

3. why do you hate the baby?

from the archives of bad baby names: foley schmidt. over a loudspeaker at a ball game. "FOLEY SCHMIDT!" say it out loud a couple times.

4. "mom, keely just barfed!"

self-explanatory.

the love affair with worms continues

the girls just poked their heads in the back door from playing outside in the drizzle.

"want to see my worm pockets?!" asked thing one.

she had filled her rain slicker pockets with water (darn impermeable plastics), and thing two had then filled the pockets with...worms.

masses of writhing worms, some of them seeming to reach up to me with their plaintive little heads. (butts? who can tell?)

and of course, i had to do the good, modern mommy thing and say, "wow, that's really interesting - what an unusual application for your pocket" while my brain was screaming, "WORMS! AIEEEEEEE! WORMS! GET THOSE FUCKING WORMS AWAY FROM ME! MOMMY IS FUCKING FREAKED OUT BY WORMS! WOOOOOOORMS!"

they just came back in. i made sure the pockets were empty before i let them pass through the door.

"do you want to pet my worms, mom?"

oh dear god. this was not in the so, you're having a girl! brochure.

who would have guessed i'd wind up with a budding oligochaetologist?

so long, farewell

auf wiedersehen, ugly bathroom. adieu, ugly ceiling.

mississippi delta, northern tributary

spring + small children + park play date = icky tub sediment

the dingo ate my basement wall!

toro dingo, that is.

ah, home renovations. soon we will be the proud possessors of an egress window.

and my husband's new 37" lcd mistress has arrived...

27 excedrin should do it, i think

sheetrockers + air gun + hysterical, noise-averse 6-year-old = the bitch mother of all headaches.

my eye is twitching.

what not to say to your wife: the first in a new (and likely robust) series

"gee, that's a big salad. you must be really hungry."

shaddap, stick-boy. this is how i keep my girlish figure.

especially after those little sirens in girl scout uniforms got to me with their thin mints.

dear merriam-webster

for your consideration:

de•man•da•rin or•ange noun di-'man-d(ə-)rən 'är-inj - a small citrus fruit demanded by pushy children.

"i want some of those demandarin oranges we had at sierra's house!"

let's go meat!

heard coming from the basement of a friend's coworker's house, as the tv broadcasts the olympics:

4-year-old: "A-S-S! A-S-S! A-S-S!"

mom, upstairs: "olivia, what are you saying!"

4-year-old: "i'm cheering for our team, mom! A-S-S! A-S-S!"

mom: "you mean U-S-A?"

4-year-old: "yeah, U-S-A! U-S-A!"

i didn't know the pod people stopped by

but apparently they did and took thing one with them. the facsimile they left in her place was very convincing until this afternoon, when it showed up with the book it had picked out at the school book fair: math machine - a fun new way to do math! it hardly has any words, just a bunch of sliding pieces that move over numbers so you can solve equations.

this cannot be my child.

best birthday present ever

my babies, knowing how little i care for winter, made me "a box of spring" - construction paper violets, peonies, chrysanthemums, roses, tulips, lilies of the valley, daffodils, and tiger lilies.

sweet, sweet babies.

ook

a friend told me yesterday that i don't look a day over 36, and i realized that is a compliment since she shaved 9 years off my age.

when did i become the crypt keeper?

gaaah

it's great my children have active, questioning little minds, but do they have to be active and questioning so early in the morning?

thing two likes to start the day with a question-and-answer period. today's topic - at 4:53 a.m. - "what did people do before they had electricity?"

well, that helps take the sting out of turning 45

from my in-laws: $100 and a flask.

i like my husband's people.

the new math

so, if edy's slow churned ice cream has 100 calories per serving, and there are 12 servings in the carton, and you can lose weight by limiting yourself to 1,200 calories a day, then if i eat nothing but ice cream, i'll lose weight.

i see no flaw in this reasoning.

my children are weird

"mommy, can we watch antiques roadshow?"

"um, sure."

"yay!"