we are descended from idiots

and by we, i mean all us folks in the extreme northern climes. what the HELL were our ancestors thinking when they stopped their covered wagons?

ancestor: "golly, i'd like to live here, where the temperatures fall below zero, in a sod house heated by a fire, having to walk through a blizzard hanging onto a rope just to find the john and relieve myself. super!"

if i had lived through just one winter with no central heat and no polar fleece, i would have been on the first stagecoach to albuquerque. i remember re-reading the laura ingalls wilder books as an adult and being struck not by the fun of making maple syrup snow candy and getting a shiny penny for christmas, but by the homesteader whose wife tried to knife him in the middle of the night for bringing her to such a godforsaken place. that would soooo have been me.

clearly, the demented genes were passed on to me in full force, because i still live here. in fact, asshole that i am, i keep moving further into the igloo: from detroit to chicago to minneapolis. perhaps i've frozen my synapses as well as my butt off.

at least i can take comfort in the fact that there are people dumber than me, viz: the dad who drops his kid off every day at preschool BY BIKE. even today, when it's 5 degrees outside. poor little boy was encased in some sort of yellow rubber suit that looked like a dishwashing glove on steroids, topped off with face mask, boots and – of course – bike helmet. because we need to be safe when we're FREEZING TO DEATH.