ah, drugs

wha... it's march? i missed february?

well, at least i know how it happened:  my clan and I were brought low by illness. actually everyone in minnesota has been brought low this winter. i swear, i have never known so many people to be so sick for so long. influenza. ear infections. strep throat. croup. pneumonia. constricted airways. body aches. headaches. throwing up. sheer misery.

after being among the missing myself for weeks, i finally lined up babysitting and dragged my sorry butt into my doctor's last wednesday...only to be told that my appointment was thursday.

i am not surprised, as when i looked in my date book for wednesday i found...nothing. ditto for thursday. because my head had swelled to 400 pounds and was filled with sloshing, chartreuse goo, i had barely formed a coherent thought for weeks:

"children. i have...children. must...feed...children. must make...what's it called? dinner.  must make...dinner."

trying to put one mental foot in front of the other was like squeezing cement through a pastry tube:  everything moved very, very slowly.

so i returned to the doctor on thursday, this time with my kids. i strapped them down to their stroller, gave them books and jelly beans (today's parenting tip:  bribery works!), and told them that under no circumstances would they be allowed to get out or touch anything. we already have the plague; the last thing i need is for them to lick the waiting room end tables and bring home something else.

shockingly, the ladies were models of decorum while my doctor diagnosed a snarling sinus infection. i received not only a prescription for an antibiotic, but also a prescription for a refill, just in case (seriously, 400 pounds of chartreuse goo). 

i wheeled the ladies back out to the waiting room and thanked them for their compliance. while i bundled them up, they made eyes at the other patients, who all found them absolutely darling. then, as we made to leave, thing one dropped her water cup and said, loudly, "damn!" 

i smiled weakly and sprinted for the door.

now, after five days of zithromax – buttressed by sudafed, tylenol, motrin, coca-cola and cosmopolitans – i have returned to human form. and we've had a little talk about which words are not polite to say in front of others, even if daddy sometimes does. ("and mommy!" thing one helpfully pointed out.) but damn, it's nice to finally feel better.