the new new math

i have never been good at math. in high school, i eked out a d+ in pass-fail pre-cal in 11th grade and called it quits.

but i've discovered that motherhood kick starts a range of heretofore unknown talents including, in my case, the ability to come up with complex equations like this one:

toddler (t) + eye patch (p) + large sugary cupcake (c) + too much indoor time (i) + hula hoop (h2) = broken floor lamp (@#$%)