for those who have not reproduced

following is a list of activities, events and items that supposedly generate lovely, sugar-coated parent-and-child moments of bonding and snuggy-wuggums.

DO NOT BE FOOLED.

in reality, they annoy, enrage, exhaust, induce migraines, and lead to astonishingly frequent consumption of alcohol and chocolate. avoid them at all costs.

herewith, the top 10 reasons for renewing your birth control prescription today:

10. parades

9. christmas cookie decorating

8. pinatas

7. halloween

6. candyland

5. any disney movie

4. paints

3. nail polish (even the so-called fast-drying kind)

2. the sound of music

and number 1 with a bullet (i wish)... balloons

oh, how i hates the balloons.