why do you hate the baby?

parents have lost their minds. besides the relentless activities (piano lessons at 4, soccer team at 3, swimming lessons as a gamete), there is the name thing.

people: your children are not little canvases upon which to express your creativity, coolness, whimsy or college major.

here is a brief selection of some names i've heard for the wee folk:

• ophelia
  
• azurite
  
• klassy (with a k)
  
• ulysses
  
• cassius (whitest kid you ever saw)
  
• trout (yes, like the fish)
  
• mox (no, that's not a typo)
  
• prema banke (which i believe means love lord krisna in sanscrit and would be a perfectly fine name had the child not been the spawn of pasty minnesota lutherans named mary and tom who taught at the meditation center where i used to do yoga. prema banke now goes by sam; his mother can't understand why.)
  

and my all-time favorite, ezra hullabaloo.

as my friend, who is a labor and delivery nurse and thus hears all the names, says, "why do you hate the baby?"